I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize