when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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