You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize