I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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