my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
