Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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