That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
