who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
