apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
