new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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