dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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