god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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