He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
