YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
