He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
