we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
