My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My bed smells like the plague
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
