I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
