i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
