No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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