if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
