I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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