soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're like the curious george of whores
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
