Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
