I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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