So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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