i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
