i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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