Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
