2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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