Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How does one acquire holy water?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
