like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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