Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
