we're blogging at a bar
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
