I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
