Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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