i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
