I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
