So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
