took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The feeling are messing with the penis
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
