I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
