it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize