the condom got lost in my hair
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
