Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
