I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
