I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
