"it" just moved
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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