I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize