I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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