Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
