It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
