atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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