My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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