Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
