Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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