a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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