I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My nipple is on Facebook.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
