Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
