I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
