I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
